Royal Blue

Thoughts of a writer, wife, mother, PhD, sister, crafty chick, program coordinator, homeowner, culture vulture, bibliophile, and blogger.
Friday, October 24, 2003
Progress Report

Well, this morning I almost lost it.

I arrived at work to find out that the student worker, Michelle, is in the hospital with appendicitis.

She's okay, but will need surgery today and should be fine. That's a relief. She's a real sweetheart.

Michelle had agreed to babysit for us tonight so Ed & I can go out.

I almost lost my cool because Ed & I need this outing tonight so badly. I bought him these concert tickets tonight as a surprise since our Father's Day plans (tickets on an underground railroad history tour) got messed up at the last minute and I wanted to make it up to him at last.

He's also had a rough week at work. The students at his school are a mixed bag and he is finding that teaching high school feels less rewarding to him than teaching college. The students literally rebelled against the standardized tests they were supposed to take and started trashing his classroom.

We're at a crossroads about what he will do about it. Quit the job now and avoid the 3 hours of commuting every day? Stick it out through May? Through December?
It's the last thing I want to start thinking about with everything else that's going on.

(So far, no nibbles on selling our old house, either)

Anyway, so back to this morning: I was feeling so sad and depressed about potentially losing out on this chance to go out with him and losing the cost of the tickets (or I would have tried to give them away) and I emailed a bunch of people I know and found a new babysitter that way at the last minute, so that's great.

But why was I so upset? It speaks directly to all of the stress and fatigue that we have been experiencing as a family in the recent months that something like this would feel so upsetting.

A year from now, I'll look back on this time and just shake my head that we all made it through this upheaval.

But, on the bright side, Deb is being super supportive about my life inside the office as well as outside the office. I couldn't think of a better boss than she.

And, Molly and Sean, despite all of these changes, are still their charming selves and I feel so damn lucky that they are happy and healthy, potty training regression aside.

Now, if I could just get back into Weight Watchers and finish unpacking the house, I'd start to feel like I'm getting my shit together.

Yet, most times, I also find myself being as resourceful as my mother, which is saying a lot. She's the most creative, positive, "make lemonade out of lemons" person I know.

I'm taking it day by day and healthy meals are being made and eaten, bills are getting paid, and laundry is getting done.

Now I'm going to a concert with my husband and try to relax.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Under Construction

Everything seems under construction these days. I need to be patient. I spent a lot of time this weekend organizing the house. Ed and I spent the entire afternoon just on organizing the garage and it looks great. Now it is functional and we've starting recycling the cardboard moving boxes. Slowly, slowly the house is coming together.

My parents came in town and helped us so very much. They took Molly to their cottage for 24 hrs. so we could do some of that work at our house.

Also, my office is coming together. I can't work well with papers strewn across my desk, but i've been too busy to organize it and I'm finally doing it this week. It is such a relief to get on top of the papers and files.

Molly is having some accidents with potty training at school and told me this morning she wanted to go to the "old school" and not her new preschool. I think the move and all the changes are finally catching up with her a bit and yet her teacher told me she is doing beautifully at school in terms of making friends and all that.

Yet I know she is still adjusting to all the changes. I can't blame her and I try to be very sensitive to her and listen to her even if I can't change things (like send her to her old school).

She's been sleeping really well at night--from 8pm through until around 7am when I wake her for school. Last night she woke up in the middle of the night and I rocked her and rubbed her back until she fell back asleep (gee, I wish someone could do that for me when I can't sleep!). I don't want her coming into our bed because I don't want to start that habit and then have to break it later.

Sean's been sleeping pretty well, too, and when he wakes up around 4 or 5am, I feed him and bring him to our bed for the last hour or two and we sleep together until I have to get up to shower. It may seem weird that I don't want Molly sleeping in our bed, but with Sean it's ok for an hour or two in the mornig because Sean is still a baby and *I* need that closeness with him as much as he needs it with me. And with Ed.

I have all kinds of ways of being close with Molly (last night we had a tickle fight before dinner), but with Sean, it's different for now. I need him to feel I am there for him, literally. I'm going to go at lunch today and visit him at daycare. Can't wait.

I'm also working on getting a nanny for Sean. We'll see how that pans out. I want to have him share a nanny with the baby boy down the street who is his same age.

Our old house goes on the market again today. I'm a bit nervous about it. I hope it sells soon.


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