Royal Blue

Thoughts of a writer, wife, mother, PhD, sister, crafty chick, program coordinator, homeowner, culture vulture, bibliophile, and blogger.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Buckle Up, Hang on Tight

I knew October would be a bit crazy around here. It always is crazy, but beautiful. I try to soak it in: leaves turning colors, the evocative scent of the season, the crisp mornings.

But my schedule make my head spin.

I'm traveling over two weekends this month to two conferences and presenting twice at each conference. This will happen, along with the usual busy schedule at work and life as we know it at home, which gallops apace.

Meanwhile, some sad news from my family members--death and divorce impending, bringing both sadness and transformative. How appropriate for winter. In my family, we reach out to each other and make it better, always. I am so lucky.

Molly is thriving in kindergarten. I feel validated about our decision to start her at age 4 and 10 months, rather than hold her back a year. It's such pure joy to see her learning how to read and write and to be totally fascinated and interested in the world in a new way.

This morning she heard on the radio about wildfires in California and was full of questions about what fire? how did it start? what will happen? I love being a teacher to her at those moments, helping her make sense of this unpredictable world we live in.

Sean is such a two-year-old--absolutely charming and sweet one moment and irrational and obstinate the next. We just shake our heads and do our best, knowing he is testing us and this too shall pass. This morning he kept insisting that he wanted breakfast, but every breakfast option presented to him was unacceptable. Then I reached into the back of the pantry and pulled out the mini box of Apple Jacks kept just for these kind of moments. He was elated. As Ed called it, these are the "break glass in case of emergency" moments.

He's been waking up before 6:00am and I try to tell myself every morning and every night when I'm facing sheer exhaustion after my 16 hour day: "this too shall pass."

But, meanwhile, I want to enjoy it as much as I can. I mean really enjoy it and not just let it pass me by. I want to go out with my husband every month and enjoy his smile across the table.

My desk is a mess, my to do list is ever so long, our bank account is not as robust as it used to be, but I don't want that to matter as much as it has in the past. To get in the way of "real life."

The supreme court adventures are alarming, the heating bills on the raise are dismaying me, the upcoming winter will be dark and cold.

I'm preparing myself for the scary parts and learning to actively enjoy the wonder of the everyday world.

I'm always learning. Like Molly, I'm always trying to make sense of this shaky world.


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