Royal Blue

Thoughts of a writer, wife, mother, PhD, sister, crafty chick, program coordinator, homeowner, culture vulture, bibliophile, and blogger.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Gathering My Courage

Second day of the month and I can feel that something big is brewing.

It's actually been brewing for about 6 months when my sister encouraged me to start looking for jobs in my hometown. "You have great skills. You are underpaid. Come and network here and you'll see how much your skills would be valued."

After the semester is over, I told her. I just can't think about all that right now.

So, the intense, busy, crazy semester ended and off I went last week to interview for jobs during my vacation. Lo and behold, she is right. Many people loved me; I interviewed for 2 jobs. One good, one great. I should hear in the next week or two. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it is too late. They are already up.

Ed is starting to come around to the idea of moving. It's taken me several months to really seriously consider it. Now I can't think about *not* moving.

I have a pretty good job (but I'm underpaid), we love our house and our neighborhood, we live near some relatives.

But I am called back to my hometown by my heart, my family, my friends I've known from 20 plus years, my the great economy and job opportunties there. Cost of living is about the same for us, so that's not bad.

The idea of having to leave, to sell our house, to say goodbye to our neighbors, to the schools nearby, etc. is hard, but not impossible to swallow.

I'm getting more and more used to it. I'm almost afraid how I'll feel if I don't get either job offer. I'll be upset and I'll keep looking and I feel like the right job will come along sooner or later, but I want it to be sooner.

What is keeping us here? Ed is now done with his PhD, I've cycled 3 years through my current job and even my boss is being supportive about this potential move (but also is encouraging me to stay and wait for that promotion), my family beckons us to move south.

I feel that change is coming and I'm feeling anxious and eager to get it all settled at once. Slow down, slow down, I try to listen to myself.

I once had a quote posted on my computer at my last job, which I also outgrew quickly. It said something like this:

"Slow down and everything you want will catch up with you in its own time."

I'm trying, I'm really trying. To have faith, patience and trust.

I need courage to know what the next step is and then to be willing to grab for it.


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