I'm Not Holding My Breath
This post is a long time coming because I was "holding my breath" waiting for a job-related decision. Did I get the job out of state or not? I did not.
But good news: I got a raise and a promotion because my current employers don't want to lose me.
So, it was a good boost for my ego to be a finalist for a big job *and* get to stay in my current role with a better job. There's nothing like your career and home life "hanging in the balance," poised for a big change, to make you really look at what you love about your life.
There's a lot to love--our house, our neighborhood, the schools, the great community we love, the great job for me and pretty good job for Ed, the fact that he's turning in his dissertation to the U. this week and then he'll really be "done" and can move on with his career.
And of course, the big things--our good health, our financial situation which is not great but not in the crapper (but preschool payments haven't started up again yet!), our family and friends.
I just value it all and appreciate it all. I try to focus on "what I have" and not "what I don't have." Some days it's easier than others, of course. Like last night coming home furious after a long day of work and a trip to the grocery store to find that Ed "forgot to make dinner" on time.
I know--it seems stupid now, but when I'm in the middle of one of the busiest months at work and trying hard to make home life flow smoothly (and he's not working right now except for child care), it felt like a slap in the face. Argh.
Overall, the summer has been fabulous. Beautiful weather, fun times that make great memories and don't drain our bank account, a new member of the family whom i helped usher into the world, lots of dinners outside on the deck, lots of fresh fruit and quiet evenings with the crickets. And a great vacation coming up at Thanksgiving.
I've stopped exercising (same old story since I became a mom) and feeling myself physcially "not at my best" is really a cloud over my life. I want to be healthy and take care of myself.
It's not that I don't like exercising. I do. Finding time to do it is a big hurdle. But it must be done. MUST. BE. DONE.
I really do love my life. In all its messiness and my own non-pefect self, I still manage to love it.
And, most of all, I love my children and the crazy, impulsive, beautiful creatures that they are and bring out in me.